FINDING SIGNIFICANCE

The media has given us countless story lines about misfits.  Just think of Rudolph...the reindeer with the shiny nose who was laughed at and not allowed to play in all the reindeer games.  Or what about that lovable, if not clueless Charlie Brown.  Within his own circle of friends he was made out to be the misfit...Lucy always jerked that football just in time to leave poor Charlie flat on his back looking toward the sky.  That's probably only  mildly better than leaving him flat on his face!  Even Cinderella was made to feel like a misfit by her wicked step-sisters who fled to the ball to find their prince charming, while Cinderella was left in rags to clean up after them.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like a misfit?  I have. I could probably fill a page with very little effort recounting numerous times when I felt like I didn't belong.  I even did it to myself.  From an early childhood illness I was left with a deformed foot.  As a young child I can remember "punishing" that foot by allowing the other foot to lead when I would get up to walk, as if that deformed foot was a misfit part of my physical being or even brought it on itself.  During my early school years I can remember being treated like a misfit by classmates because I would study and earn good grades. That deformity kept me from many athletic pursuits so I didn't fit into the "jock" group.  I wasn't on the cheerleading squad, which back then by extension meant that you weren't part of the popular group either.  I never had any interest in spending my weekend at parties drinking or experimenting with drugs, so that left me a misfit with many of my peers, only I was proud to bear that distinction.  It even happens within families when one child is made to feel like a misfit because she isn't as pretty or he isn't as athletic or she as smart as another sibling.

Sometimes, feeling like a misfit, unable to figure out your place in the family, society, or the world, can lend itself to feeling insignificant.  This weekend I heard it said that God thinks each and every one of us is significant to Him.  That can be a difficult concept to fathom, because in a world as large as ours with so many people, it can be hard to grasp the idea that God still knows each and every one of us.  Yet God has said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV). God finds us so valuable, that he even knows the exact number of hairs on our heads (Luke 12:7)!!

Not only did God know me and know you before we were in our mother's womb, He set us apart.  Then, because he loved us SO much, he sent his only son so that we would not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).  And not only did God want to give us eternal life, but a full, rich life.  Jesus said in John 10:10 (Good News Translation) "The thief comes only in order to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come in order that you might have life - life in all its fullness."  

This was God's plan long before I was born.  This was not something I earned.  This was not something I deserved.  This was not something that God reserved for only the popular people of the world.  God's gift extends to everyone, including misfits.  To him, I am significant or he would never have given such an extravagant gift.  His gift extends to you.  In God's eyes, YOU are significant! 

THE DIFFERENCE A DECADE (OR THREE) MAKES

I was thinking recently of some of the ways I'm different now than what I was like as a child.  Some things haven't changed.  For example, my love of all things chocolate, caramel or peanut butter hasn't changed whatsoever (bring it on!!)  Conversely, my negative regard for brussel sprouts and cauliflower hasn't improved one bit over time either!  Nor has my height changed. I'm still somewhere between 4'10" and 4'11" depending on the day, my posture, my hairstyle, etc.  I haven't grown an inch since I was in the sixth grade.  How many times have I thought, "What I wouldn't give for that extra inch (or two)!"  Like that would make some significant difference in my life. 

While my height hasn't changed in three decades, my attitude about it has.  Now I'm more likely to appreciate that my petite frame makes it easier to dodge through busy crowds.  My perspective on other things has changed too.  Take friendships, for example.  As a child I thought "being popular" was important, and the longer my  list of friends, the better I was.  Now, I realize that having a handful of good, close, trustworthy friends, or even just one for that matter, is more special and rewarding. 

My reactions to certain circumstances has changed too.  When a crisis occurred, I was previously more likely to jump into the thick of things and react.  Now I realize that it is often better to slow down, think things over, and let a bit of time go by to see how things play out, as the crisis often lessens in strength and severity sometimes blowing over without any reaction necessary on my part.  While I never read the book, I can see how the best seller Don't Sweat the Small Stuff has become so popular!

By and large, I consider these changes to be positive.  It makes me wonder what other changes I'll experience over the next couple of decades.... or for that matter, even over the coming year!  What changes have you seen in yourself?  What changes would you like to see?

WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN, OR YOU THINK YOU CAN'T...

Henry Ford has been quoted as saying, "Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."  


There is so much truth in that.  If I think I can do something, I am likely to try, and more often than not, with enough time, practice, perseverence, I can do what I thought was possible.  Yet, on the contrary, if I think I can't do something, I'm more likely to not even try, and in the lack of effort that results when I don't try, I do not become better able to accomplish whatever the task was that I believed myself incapable from the start. 

It amazes me how much our attitude affects our success, and how people view us.  I have lately been making a more deliberate and conscious effort to surround myself with positive people and to avoid those who lean toward negativity, because I can get wrapped up in their negativity and quickly become negative myself. Hence the saying, "Misery loves company." 


“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”  I don't recall when I first came upon "The Attitude" poem by Charles R. Swindoll, but every time I read it, I am reminded of how I must deliberately choose that which is right, that which is positive.  


This morning in Texas, it is stormy outside.  It has been raining, raining hard, for the vast majority of the past 12 hours and is predicted to continue for the next 12 hours.  It would be so easy for me to get irritable as a result: With our clay soil, the water has no place to go but to puddle above the ground's surface, which meant that water leaked into my garage and is running the length of the garage. I got wet just trying to load my car this morning, I got drenched by the rain as I made my way from the car to the office door.  I sit here typing while my pant legs are drip drying and my socks turn cold. I slipped on the tile floor just after I entered the office.  My son's cross-country meet, which I thoroughly enjoy, will be cancelled. Patients will likely be late because of the poor road conditions. Etc. Etc. Etc.  But I choose to be joyous and grateful for this rain.  We are in such a drought that grass is literally growing under people's boats because the lakes are so low that for many, where there used to be water, it is nothing but sand and weeds.  And because of a couple of days of rain, I will appreciate the sunshine all the more when it returns!

In Philippians 4:8 (NIV), we are admonished to take steps to make sure our attitude is right: "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Here's to expecting positive things to happen!

ONE OF GOD'S GREATEST GIFTS

In my estimation, I would have to say that friendship is one of God's greatest gifts. I just spend an extended weekend with a long time friend and it just felt like new life was breathed into me! It was comfortable and easy.  No expectations.  I didn't even have anything specific planned for her visit, some ideas, but nothing scheduled (which is a good thing because during our lunch on Friday I bit down into my delicious club sandwich only to have my molar cave it and result in several hours in the dentist's office for 2 emergency root canals and crowns!!) Definitely not something I had scheduled (or desired!!) but we rode that wave and the boys got some good quality time with her as a result!

As early as Genesis 2:18  The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (NIV)  God knew from the beginning of time that friendship, companionship was crucial for our existence.  The rapid proliferation of social media attests to our craving for social interaction, whether it be in person  or through text messaging, email, skype, telephone, etc.

Time spent with a friend is so powerful.  It can change our perspective, our mood, our attitude.  The Bible tells us that man was created in God's own image, having the very likeness of God (Genesis 1:27).  I believe this likeness extends across many facets.  Just as we in human flesh need companionship, so too does God. In fact, God created man for God's companionship.  He craves time spent with us. And in His word, He promises never to leave us (1 Kings 8:57).  At all times, but especially those when we are in need of a friend, we can count on Him to be there for us, as He promises in Proverbs 18:24 "...there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

For God's faithfulness, and for His gift of friendship, I am grateful.
I am grateful for YOU, dear friend!

Be Blessed,

HURTING PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE

I couldn't tell you when or where I heard it, but long ago I heard the saying "Hurting people hurt people."  In my line of work, I see many hurting people.  The trouble is, the kinds of wounds that walk through my door for the most part aren't physical.  They are emotional or behavioral or spiritual.  To a very large extent, those are the hurts that can be harder to deal with, harder to manage, harder to accept, harder to understand, harder to provide grace for. Why? Because they often aren't obvious.  They don't scream like a broken leg in a cast, "I'm hurt and in pain...be gentle around me."  They don't even whisper like eyes looking through glasses, "Be careful, for without my glass crutch I would be lost."

No, emotional hurts, pain, wounds are often not even recognized by the one suffering with them.  Those are the injuries that often get "shoved deep down" to "deal with" on another day, a day when it's more convenient.  Except, because they are shoved deep down and not glaring when one looks in the mirror, that more convenient day never seems to arrive.  And then, S*M*A*C*K!! Seemingly out of nowhere, the compilation of hurts and pain and wounds erupts one day...often in excess to the trigger that caused the smoldering volcano to spew, and probably just as often toward someone undeserving.

The Bible tells us in Luke 6:45 (NIV) "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."

So all the pain, sorrow, rejection, humiliation, shame that we harbor in our hearts will eventually be spoken to someone else.

At one point this weekend I found myself frustrated and angry, and as I proceeded with my task I found the anger intensifying and I found myself role-playing in my mind. A game of charades in my thoughts, projecting my anger onto someone else.  Yet, no-one was around.  I was alone with my thoughts and with my heart. Yet even when I tried to focus on something else, the anger bubbled up within me.  As I silently asked myself "Why am I so angry?" That's when I remembered that "Hurting people hurt people."

Then plain as day it came to me, "I feel hurt." And the recipient of my mental charade of wrath was being directed at the person who had offended me.  Yet that individual was blissfully unaware of the anger that was dancing a duet without its partner.  And while sure enough, I felt hurt, I didn't like the feeling of anger within me.  I didn't want that to spill over my lips toward my offender or toward the innocent bystanders who happened across my path.

I went to church with a sorrowful heart.  Saddened that I would feel such ugly, vile feelings, and sadder still with the realization that because of the hurt I felt, I could inflict that pain on someone else.  Yet in that service, through the worship and scripture, I was assured that God had come to rid me of that wart of imperfection and to comfort my hurts.  I walked out of that service with a much softer heart.

CONFIDENCE IN THE MAKING

The year 2011 was, well, a capricious one.  It was a year filled with seemingly constant change. At times it felt chaotic, at times disorganized, at times tumultuous, while at other times the change that occurred was positive and planned for, but still foreign and required adjustment.

Roget's thesaurus suggests that "capricious" could be equated with:

any way the wind blows, arbitrary, blowing hot and cold, careless, changeful, contrary, crotchety, effervescent, erratic, every which way, fanciful, fickle, fitful, flaky*, flighty, freakish, gaga, helter-skelter, humorsome, impulsive, inconstant, kinky*, lubricious, mercurial, moody, mutable, notional, odd, picky*, punchy, queer, quirky, temperamental, ticklish, unpredictable, unreasonable, unstable, up and down, vagarious, variable, volatile, wayward, whimsical, yo-yo

If you asked anyone who had frequent contact or interaction with me during 2011, they would attest to the fact that 2011 often seemed erratic, and some days definitely felt "helter-skelter," while at times some of the people we interacted with seemed to "blow hot and cold," and many situations that were thrust upon us seemed to be guided "any way the wind blows."  I cannot look back on the year and say that it was "effervescent" or "fanciful," or "whimsical!"  But I can recall times during the year in my own spirit of feeling "wayward" and "unstable."

I've mentioned before that I've never been a huge fan of change.  Even change that lends itself to positive end results is not usually embraced readily by me, at least in the beginning. I'm not so proud, however, that I can't look back and admit that good did come from something that I initially anticipated was going to be negative.  That's how I feel now about the last couple of years, but especially last year.  My husband and I recently drew up a list of all the changes, just within my business, that we went through in the past year.  Some were self-initiated, and some were imposed upon us without our consent or warning.  There were over 30 such situations that yielded significant change over the year...that amounted to one every two weeks, although most required weeks if not months before or after to research, initiate, or adjust to!  If you had told me a year ago what I would have to face in the course of the next year, I likely would have raised a white flag!

As I reflect on that list, I can say with all sincerity that here, on the other side not one of those significant changes ended negatively.  Now, that's not to say that there weren't extremely difficult periods, situations that were negative while we were in the thick of it.  They were.  They were painful periods.  Periods when I couldn't see how I was going to get through, or how they would end on a positive note.  Periods when I wanted to be anywhere or do anything other than what I felt stuck having to manage.  Yet, in the end, every instance of change resulted in us being better off for it, either personally or as a business on the whole.

My thoughts return to Psalm 118:5-6 (NIV) “When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” and Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  God did see me, my family, my business through a hard year when I often felt "hard pressed."  He did give us a hope and a brighter future.

Now at the precipice of 2012, I've taken a new attitude. I've jotted down the changes I want to see take place during the year and begun to look at the steps to make them happen, instead of fearing and avoiding change. Roget's indicates that the opposite of capricious is: constant, dependable, sensible, staid, steadfast, steady.  That's what I hope for in 2012.
I'm sure just like any other year there will be other changes, unanticipated changes, that will be thrust upon me.  Yet I hope to approach either type of change, that which I pursue or that which is forced, with constancy, dependability, and steadfastness, remembering that change very likely will end in a more positive position than where I started.  I stake my faith and my new-found confidence in Phillipians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Will you join me in embracing 2012 and the changes which will occur throughout the year?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF....

"What would you do, if you weren't afraid to fail?"

I've always found encouragement in that quote, perhaps because for me, fear of failure has nagged me like a gnat since I was a small child. I'd push those thoughts aside only for them to fly right back in, and buzz around my head until I was in a dither.

I remember being at a cross-roads in my life many years ago. I was through the academic portion of my training and ready to embark on the more exciting, hands-on experience...that part I had been eagerly waiting for. But in my field, that usually meant moving to the locale where you selected, and didn't often provide much opportunity to be picky if you were serious about staying in the field, not to mention get the best training. At that point I had been married 7 years. While we applied for internships locally, those opportunities were slim and didn't really fit my area of interest. And while we tried to find my husband possible jobs in the areas that I was applying, it would mean him finding yet another job a year later when internship ended and I had to apply all over again for fellowship. We planned and prepared and strategized until we were dizzy. No matter how many spreadsheets or matrices we came up with, we could never plan for all the possible "what-ifs."

What was not-so-affectionately coined "Bloody Monday" in the field (the "match" day when applicants were cut from consideration and sometimes left without a match, or hopefully were placed at a site where both the intern and the site felt good about the match) came and after six hours or so of waiting by the phone, talking with various interested sites, we finally ended up with a highly prized match placement in the field. But with that good news and excitement quickly came the reality that we would have a long-distance commuter marriage for the next year, only being able to rely on Southwest Airlines to pave the way to visit every six weeks or so. While I was excited about the opportunity, I was saddened at the reality that I would be living apart from the love of my life, as well as my family. I was going to be on my own, navigating my own path, exploring a new land by myself.

That was back in the day before cell-phones, text messaging, skype, and even before email was commonly known of. All our friends and family knew about match-day or Bloody Monday and consciously kept our phone line open for sites to reach me, all the while waiting eagerly to know my fate. After the deal was sealed and my husband and I knew where I would be spending the next year, we began to make the announcement phone calls, one by one, to all our family and friends. The reactions were mixed. Some were thrilled because they knew what a fabulous opportunity it was going to be for me training with some of the best in the field. Others were saddened because it meant a move for me...away from my husband, and away from them. And still others were angry with me for even considering a placement necessitating that I be away from my spouse. My own emotions were scrambled in there as well. I was excited! I was saddened at times and cried at the thought of leaving my home and those I cared so deeply for and leaving the familiar. As I've said before, I'm not a big fan of change, and Woah Baby! Was this going to top any change I'd been through before!! I had never been on my own before. I went from living at home with my parents to getting married and living with a husband. Now, not only was I going to live alone, but I couldn't get back home readily. I was a struggling student and we had to scrape together everything we could just to afford for me to live in a separate dwelling.

As I prepared to leave on what I decided to consider "my new journey", I came across a verse from the Bible that I couldn't recall having ever heard before. It was the verse that has since become what I affectionately call "my life verse."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) reads "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

There will always be uncertainty in life, yet God isn't uncertain. His will for my life is for good and not for bad. He has a plan that while I can't always see around the corner, I know I can trust. During the days when I felt lonely and alone, that verse brought comfort. It offered the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel."

That experience was many, many years ago, yet the principals have remained the same. If I let fear of failure guide my path, I will miss out on so many wonderful experiences and relationships. But if I trust that my path offers hope and a future, what do I have to lose?

What would you try if you weren't afraid to fail? I'd love to hear all about it!